Take Back Your Joy: Why Owning Your Happiness Is the Most Empowering Thing You’ll Ever Do
What I Learned About Choosing Joy — and Learning About Time Management For Busy Moms
Let’s talk about something a little uncomfortable but something that will free you:
👉🏽 Your happiness is your responsibility. Not your partner’s. Not your kids’. Not your friends’. Yours. Also, stop compromising with your time; see time management tips for busy moms.
It took me a long time to realise that. After years of people-pleasing, over-giving, and hoping someone would notice, it took me a while to realise I needed support too. But here’s the truth — it won’t happen…even though people can bless you, encourage you, and support you, they can’t give you what you need better than you because they don’t know you like you do, or at least like you will do…
Let’s walk through this together — real stories, real thoughts, and real steps.
Disclaimer: I went through a lot from my younger years, leading me to write poetry and then songs to learn to better express my feelings. I believe in God because of my personal experience, and I am a Christian. However, I don’t believe in imposing my views or beliefs. I do want to share my learning as I am passionate about sharing experiences and advice that can help someone else. For those who know me personally, they would tell you the same. Please inbox me, or just skip past what doesn’t resonate. Either way, I’m happy you’re here. Ok, with that out of the way. Follow me…
✨ When It Finally Hit Me
I used to think being a good woman — especially a good daughter, friend, partner, and then eventually mom — meant keeping the peace at all costs. Saying “yes” when I am tired. Staying quiet when I was hurt. Not asking for help because, well… “they should just know,” right?
But the truth is, the ‘real good’ that is left in this world never want us to disappear for the sake of keeping others comfortable. That feeling of burnout, resentment, and exhaustion? It builds up quietly — until one day, it’s loud. Any happiness you had before you had reached this point turns into resentment. Then this is a whole new task to fix. You think these people might not like you for saying something, well they really won’t ask when you reach this point-this level of anger…
That was me. Giving everything I had until there was nothing left. Then still wanting to blaming others when I didn’t feel good inside.
I wasn’t asking. I wasn’t setting boundaries. And I wasn’t being honest with myself about what I really needed. Even a famous old book-’The Bible’ says: “Ask, and you shall receive.” (Matthew 7:7) So why do we just expect others to have all the answers for us. They don’t have them for themselves. And if they happen to there is no time for you because they are busy trying to work at themselves. You know what we will spend an awful lot of time waiting eitherway… But thats not it. Don’t lose hope just yet… follow me…
🧠 What I Had to Unlearn
- That being selfless doesn’t mean being voiceless
- That loving others doesn’t mean losing yourself
- That my feelings matter too — not just when they’re convenient
As women — especially in families where nurturing is the norm — we’re taught to put everyone first. And don’t get me wrong, caring for others is rewarding. I actually love it. I genuinely appreciate and enjoy meeting all sorts of people. But when we forget ourselves completely, that’s not service to anyone — that’s self-neglect.
I had to unlearn the guilt of choosing joy. I had to remind myself: I was born into this world just like everyone else, so why am I not allowed to have happiness too?
See – Time management tips for busy moms to stop burning out just to serve everyone else and tips for improved sleep quality for moms like me who are tired of overthinking things.
💛 What Real Happiness Looks Like (For Me) –
Now this is something you will also need to work out-what true happiness is for you but let me give you an idea with what happiness looks like for me as inspiration…
For me, happiness is peace in my home and in my spirit. It’s simple days and then there’s the crazy journeys to somewhere I haven’t properly planned for, that will probably end with me trying to find a way home, lol. It’s lots of laughter — the deep down in your belly kind. It’s sharing moments with people who pour into me as much as I pour into them. And it’s because of my personal/ difficult past experiences-that make me want God at the centre of everything.
It’s not performance-based. It’s not about impressing anyone or living up to other people’s timelines. It’s about feeling whole, even when things aren’t perfect because you know what, that is what makes you sleep well at the end of a crazy day.
👉🏽 ‘Happiness’ definition (noun): A state of well-being and contentment — not people-pleasing exhaustion.
🚩 How I Knew I Was Outsourcing My Happiness
You know how you can tell? When your mood depends on how others treat you.
When you’re constantly waiting for someone else to notice, praise, or fix what you feel.
Truth is, no one can see your full heart the way you can.
And no one else is meant to be your source. They can’t. They aren’t ‘the higher power’ and never will be.
I had give up saying:
- “I’ll be happy when they help me out more.”
- “I’ll feel better if they just notice me.”
- “I’ll rest once everyone else is okay.”
Now I ask myself: What can I do to feel more okay today?
And what am I expecting from people that I shouldn’t be?
🛠 Small, Powerful Changes That Helped
- Journaling my truths — even when they weren’t pretty
- Saying “no” without the 10-paragraph explanation
- Taking breaks without guilt – maintaining my barriers. Stop answering your calls! Give notice of your personal time as ‘appointments’ and send messages for when you will be back home or online. This works for those employed or with businesses.
See – Time management tips for busy moms.
- Spending time putting my thoughts out on paper even if you don’t know who you are writing to for help. Do what I did-write what you want, what you desperately need. Fold this paper up and wait for it to materialise. Trust the process. But be careful what you wish for! I did this. I met the person I described in great detail, and he matched my list to the ‘T’. So, yes you can get what you want by thinking positively on it — Take some time each day to reflect on your day, your efforts, what worked, and write down what you need. Then put it away and give it time.
See – tips for stress management for financial issues.
- Keeping a “yes” list — things I say yes to because they light me up, not wear me down. Spend your efforts on these things-things that grow you, that give you a real sense of happiness.
And if I say yes to something that drains me, I now pause and ask: Is this really love or is this pressure?
🙌🏽 The Shift
Let me be real: no this isn’t about cutting everyone off and being selfish.
This is about walking in the truth that you were created for joy, not just duty. Only in this way can we elevate others around us.
We are not given life, born into this world to live bitter, burnt-out lives. But we are here to live life to the full…with abundance (John 10:10).
So why are we living like we’re on scraps?!
When I began choosing joy, peace, and setting boundaries — not only did I feel lighter, but people around me got the better version of me too. My relationships improved because they weren’t based on silent sacrifice anymore. Those who don’t appreciate this will fall away. Relationships who remain are based on truth.
And as I focused on what made me feel truly good, I naturally found myself saving money on a tight budget — simply because I stopped spending to fill emotional gaps.
💬 Some Hard Truths I Had to Accept
- No one can make me feel loved, seen, or fulfilled if I don’t first believe I deserve to feel those things
- Love isn’t about being drained — it’s about being supported
- Rest is not a reward. It’s a right.
- And unfortunately not everyone cares or minds how unhappy you are BUT there are plenty who do who appear when you are not looking for them.
🌱 Looking Ahead — What I Want For Myself and My Children
When I think about the life I’m building — it’s one where I:
- Honour God
- Honour myself
- Raise children (especially daughters) who know they are worthy of joy and without performance
I want my children to see a mom who smiles because she feels good, not just because she made everyone else feel good first. I want her to copy the me who I am ‘Happy’ to be.
And that starts with me living it.
See – how to stay organised with a busy schedule.
🕊 Final Thought
If this hits home for you — if you’re tired of feeling like happiness is just out of reach — let me say this plainly:
📖 God did not create you to live worn out and resentful of others.
He created you to be happy. You being happy isn’t selfish. It This is strength.
(Nehemiah 8:10)So today, choose it — not for them, but for you.
Because your happiness is your responsibility…
And that’s a truly beautiful thing as this means there are no limits!