Embracing Change After Loss: A Guide to Transformation
Personal Note
I’ve rewritten this blog too many times and nearly abandoned it altogether, unsure of the perfect way to express what I had felt, what I feel now, and what I’ve been through. But I’ve decided to just lay it out—raw and as honest as I can. I hope that sharing my journey helps others who may not know where to turn or what to do in times like these.
Understanding the Journey of Loss
Losing a parent can feel like the ground has been ripped from beneath you, leaving you in unfamiliar and unsettling territory. How do you navigate life when it feels like a huge part of your foundation has gone? I’ve been there, and I’ve learned that while this change is more than painful and unbearable, it is a journey that is better embraced than one that is stumbled down.
Why I’m Sharing My Story
Writing this, though a struggle, I wanted to talk about the experience of change that comes from losing a parent. I hoped that you to could see that there are coping strategies, relaxation techniques, and personal growth practices that helped me when all I could feel was broken. They can help you too, even during a time when all feels unreal. I want to offer some guidance to those of you who are grieving and looking for ways to move forward or to at least be present for yourself, and those who need you. And no, it’s not because you want to forget, but because you want to focus on the happy memories you have of them, and to honour your loved one’s memory by giving some time to being a better version of yourself.
My Experience: Navigating Change After Loss, and Unwanted Change
Having experienced the loss of my own parent, I understand the deep grief and confusion that comes with it. I’ve struggled to find my footing, to understand who I am now without them, and to figure out how to continue growing despite the pain. But through this journey, I’ve discovered some methods that have helped me cope, heal, and, most importantly, continue to live in a way that honours my loved one.
While life has a way of surprising us with changes we never asked for, it was a real shock for me to lose ‘my rock’. Though I am the type that ‘takes the bull by its horns’, to others nothing could phase me, but suddenly I was broken. I could face people because at that time I couldn’t be the ‘power house’ that everyone knew me for. Losing my parent had shattering my sense of normalcy. I can tell you I was at a loss at an important time for me when I was already trying to find my way in life. Now I was struggling to even keep my head above the water, to find some steady ground in a world that suddenly seemed so uncertain.
The Turning Point: Choosing a Different Path Forward
I remember the day after it happened, feeling numb and lost, looking for anything I could use to cope. The usual sounds of daily life felt strange and distant—the kettle boiling in an empty kitchen, the sounds of cars passing by, the distant laughter of children playing outside, the wind brushing the curtains aside to make visible an unorganized house. I wasn’t ready to face the world again; I wasn’t ready for anything.
But as time passed, I began to realize that I couldn’t stay here in a place of grief and stagnation. I did take some time away from work and study but now I knew my mom would want me to find peace, to continue growing, to find joy again. I started taking small steps toward embracing this unwanted change. It wayed hard on me. While it felt impossible to see this as a new beginning, I chose to accept it as a different path forward. I allowed myself to feel everything, to grieve, but also to find moments of gratitude for what I still had and for the memories that would always be with me, and that I was blessed with to share with others.
A Message to Those Who Grieve
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the grief of losing a parent or are struggling, and with this unfamiliar life that follows, know that you are not alone. Grieving is an intensely personal journey, but it can be a time to find new meaning, an opportunity to grow, and to honour your loved one’s legacy by living fully.
Coping Strategies – Navigating Grief and Embracing Growth
Grieving is not a straight forward process; it comes in waves, and each one of us experiences it differently. However, here are some strategies that have helped me cope and find a way forward:
Shift Your Mindset: Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
Allow yourself to feel all the emotions without self judgment. Understand that growth comes from allowing yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace. You don’t have to be “okay” right away, but you can aim to grow through this time.
Find Meaning in the Memories
Reflect on the positive moments and lessons your parent taught you. Use these as a guide to shape your future, for you and those around you.
Creating a Resilience Plan
Develop Coping Mechanisms
Identify healthy ways to cope with the pain—whether it’s through journaling, talking to a friend, or seeking professional help. Create a plan for days that feel particularly hard, like anniversaries or holidays, or quiet times when you can overthink.
Build a Support System
Lean on friends and family, join a grief support group, or seek therapy. Sharing your feelings—good and bad—with others who understand and can bring comfort and a sense of connection. Also, give yourself time to relearn how to express yourself again, to make connections with people, and to be in social settings. You may say some things you don’t mean in a moment and others may also react to this. Difficult times like this are not times to make difficult decisions, or ones you may regret. Give yourself a ‘break’. Let others know you need time. Then ‘take your time’.
Relaxation Techniques to Support Your Healing
Incorporating relaxation techniques can help ease the emotional strain and create moments of peace amidst the chaos:
- Meditation in the Sun:
Find a quiet spot outdoors where you can sit and feel the warmth of the sun. Sip on a cup of tea or green tea, and reflect on things you are grateful for, the lessons your parent taught you, or the positive memories you shared.
Why: Sunlight and meditation help lift your mood, and focusing on gratitude can shift your perspective from loss to appreciation for the time you had together. - Go for a Walk:
Take a walk on a quiet path, a long stretch of road, or in a nearby park. Walking helps clear the mind and can be a simple form of moving meditation. As I walk I literally feel my mind emptying of things I don’t know how to deal with and at the same time it has helped me to find solutions. This is aspecially helpful if you are the type that over thinks everything.
Why: Physical activity helps release tension and anxiety, and being in nature can provide comfort and a sense of renewal. - Look Up at the Stars:
Spend a few moments at night looking up at the sky. Think of your parent and imagine them as one of the stars watching over you. I did this during the summer, on a warm night laying on an old sleeping bag with a comfort snack, hot chocolate or other.
Why: Stargazing can provide a sense of calm and perspective, reminding you that even in loss, there is something beautiful and enduring. - Play Music While Cleaning:
Listen to your favourite songs while tidying up around the house.
Why: Music has a way of soothing the soul, and cleaning can give you a sense of control and accomplishment, which can be grounding when everything feels uncertain. - Do a Pamper Session:
Treat yourself to a self-care routine—do your hair, paint your nails, or try a new outfit combination. End the session with a feel-good movie and a small indulgence, like dark chocolate or a glass of wine.
Why: Self-care is not selfish; it’s a way to nurture yourself when you need it most. Engaging in familiar comforts can bring moments of joy and relief from grief. Dark chocolate supports mood.
A Book Recommendation: “Option B” by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
To support your journey through loss and personal growth, consider reading Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. This book provides valuable insights and strategies for building resilience and finding joy, even in the face of devastating loss. Also useful is the website resource.
Key Takeaways: Embracing Change
Grieving the loss of a parent is a profound and challenging experience, but it can also be a time for growth and transformation. By focusing on positive coping strategies, building resilience, and taking time for relaxation and self-care, you can navigate this painful change and honour your loved one’s memory by aiming to become the best version of yourself.
Growth-Focused Approach
These strategies can help you find a sense of peace, foster resilience, and transform grief into a journey of personal growth and healing.
Positive Note
Change brought on by loss is incredibly difficult, but it does not have to define you. You have the power to shape how you move forward, to find meaning and growth, and to honour your loved one by continuing to live a full and purposeful life. Allow yourself the grace to heal, grow, and find peace again, and do this ‘one step at a time’. Remember, you are not alone. Xx God bless you xx
Disclosure:
Though some of my posts may contain affiliate links, this post does not contain affiliate links. I do not earn a commission if you make a purchase through the provided links.